I skipped my therapy session and went to my local arts district for Third Friday events; I confessed to my therapist when he called and I answered my phone not knowing or expecting it to be him. I know I should not have skipped, and I felt bad, but I want to feel inspired, and creative- explore the grey areas; I wanted to see art and craftsman(and woman)ship. All week I feel stifled, even though part of my job entails creating floral arrangements, I am part of a mass-market industry that does not allow for unique artistry.
I am trying therapy because during my treatment for alcoholism I learned that my way managing life got me into a rehab facility because I made my life unmanageable, so I should try doing what people who have their life together tell me to do. But I feel they are trying to make things black and white for me when I live and think in grey. I know they think the grey areas cause addicts to use and they are trying to teach us that we can control our lives by simplifying it, but I don't think anything in life is simple... I am glad I skipped, but I won't do it again.
I want to write more, but my headache is becoming more bothersome and I feel like my skin is crawling; I have had about 5 or 6 cups of tea! I must now try some relaxation and rest my eyes... after all, it is nearing 2am.